My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
