please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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