We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize