I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
