i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
