my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
