I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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