dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dignity is for republicans.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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