using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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