Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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