He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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