My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She needs sedatives and a leash
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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