doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
