thus making me awesome and them whores
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
