Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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