Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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