Is it because I queefed?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
