She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
