What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
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Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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