A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
