the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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