I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
