So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
