Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
