if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we're making bets on your personal life
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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