I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
