I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
sex in a hospital.. check
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
