STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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