brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
