rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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