My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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