tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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