I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...