Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.