So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
