We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me