my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
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He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.