i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.