Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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