I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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