I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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