new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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