in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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