i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
