considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
