needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How does one acquire holy water?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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