I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
