im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
