Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
