My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
