I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
