Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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