just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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