the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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