you guys were way drunker than both of me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can I color on your dick again?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
