im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She even gives head with a lisp.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
