My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
