The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
