question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
