I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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