She is in my trunk
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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