She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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