my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
