Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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