Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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