it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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