Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
